The Boy Who Wants to Talk So Badly ~ Tears of Frustration and Sadness

the eyes

I was tucking Johnny in tonight and he patted his pillow and said quite clearly “Mama stay here, pillow.” He seemed sad and I told him I’d give him extra loves and snuggles before he falls alsleep. I started asking him about his day. Did you have fun at school? “Yes” with a little smile. I asked him about colouring today and art and he said “Ah fun” which means Johnny had fun. Today was the day when his class makes their weekly visit to the school library to take a book out to later bring home for the weekend. I mentioned library and he glanced at me and said “yes…Ah book.” Johnny got a book. I asked him what he book he chose and if he could try and tell me. He tried so hard to wrap his mouth around the words and tried to put some words together but we both could tell I did not make out what he was saying.

I was not expecting what happened next. Johnny’s face got very sad and he was making every effort not to cry but the tears were stronger. I immediately asked what was wrong? Why are you sad? Why are there tears? He kept saying “Mama..Mama” and mumbling something and it was then I realized he wanted to very badly tell me the title of the book he borrowed from the library but he couldn’t make himself clear. I asked him if that was why and he quickly said “yes” and hugged me. I gave him a big hug and then told him I am going to try harder to understand what he is trying to say. I asked him if he gets frustrated a lot when he knows what he wants to say but it can’t come out right? “Yes.”

I got Johnny’s Daddy and we sat with him and told him that he WILL talk very well one day soon. That it will take lots of practice but he is already doing well and we are so very proud of him. We told him how much we believe in him and that WE KNOW that Johnny understands everything being said around him and that he knows what he wants to say. Johnny gave us big bear hugs when we said that. We also told him that if the other boys and girls are asking questions or commenting about his lack of talking they do not understand and are trying to help you. We told him that his teachers and his Mommy and Daddy know he is a very smart boy and soon all his friends will know too.

We tucked him in and he seemed thoughtful but more at peace and ready for sleep. It was a very bittersweet moment for us. I am finding it hard to put into words how incredible it is for us after 4-1/2 years to hear Johnny communicate his feelings to us and at the same time its on a subject that breaks our hearts. This had me in tears afterwards but more determined then ever.

Johnny IS trying to talk a lot more. The tipping point seems to be when his grandfather passed away and a lot of feelings and ideas needed to start coming out. I’m going to be sharing more about this in the next few days including the incredible Communication Course that I’m taking that is helping him.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Cyn says:

    Reblogged this on Everything Under the Sun and commented:

    What a difference a year can make! I was scrolling through my previous posts to reminisce about how much progress Johnny has made and this one brought tears to my eyes. If ever there was a little boy who wanted to talk but just couldn’t get the words out it is Johnny. Now his expressive language has exploded and and snowballed and our two main concerns are 1) articulation (to be understood and produce all sounds) 2) to increase his self-confidence so that he displays his new found communication skill to everyone and in every place he goes. When I think back it is indeed my Dad passing away who he was close to that seemed to tip the balance and “make” him want to try and jump the communication hurdle, as well as the “MORE THAN WORDS” program from the Hanen Centre who showed us how to help him. We also discovered that our suspicions were true that he had motor speech delay – Apraxia of Speech and once Speech Pathologists who had experience and expertise in this his expressive language and self-confidence has blasted off.


  2. findingcoopersvoice says:

    I am blown away by this post! I am so glad you came to my blog! Your boys sound so much alike. Coops is just 3 years younger. Is Johnny 6? I love every word in this post. I love that he told you about his day. Oh my gosh I beg for those moments to come. I love that he wanted to tell you something. I love that he was emotional about it. It all makes me so happy.
    It’s hard for me to describe Cooper. He turned 3 in December. He has no actual words but does have amazing nonverbal communication. So that part is go. Cooper does perfect when he isn’t challenged. The second something gets hard he gets frustrated. I am hoping that a developmental preschool will make a huge difference. He will start in September. We don’t have an autism diagnosis but it will most likely come in the future. My main focus is language. I NEED to get him talking. Anyway, I am so glad I found you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cyn says:

      Thank you for your kind comments re: this post about my son wanting so badly to talk. I truly believe that there is more then one way to communicate even though I know that speech is what we crave to hear. Cooper sounds like an amazing little boy who has a fantastic Mom who is doing here best to make all the right choices for him. We found a developmental preschool really helped our son especially if he could get tons of one on one attention and from folks who really understood him. Johnny used to get frustrated easily and still has his moments but we found that we really needed to build his confidence up so he would stop fearing getting frustrated. Once he felt he was moving forward he was more happy and then more willing to take risks. I am very glad that we found each other as well. If you have any questions please fire away anytime.


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