I was tucking Johnny in tonight and he patted his pillow and said quite clearly “Mama stay here, pillow.” He seemed sad and I told him I’d give him extra loves and snuggles before he falls alsleep. I started asking him about his day. Did you have fun at school? “Yes” with a little smile. I asked him about colouring today and art and he said “Ah fun” which means Johnny had fun. Today was the day when his class makes their weekly visit to the school library to take a book out to later bring home for the weekend. I mentioned library and he glanced at me and said “yes…Ah book.” Johnny got a book. I asked him what he book he chose and if he could try and tell me. He tried so hard to wrap his mouth around the words and tried to put some words together but we both could tell I did not make out what he was saying.
I was not expecting what happened next. Johnny’s face got very sad and he was making every effort not to cry but the tears were stronger. I immediately asked what was wrong? Why are you sad? Why are there tears? He kept saying “Mama..Mama” and mumbling something and it was then I realized he wanted to very badly tell me the title of the book he borrowed from the library but he couldn’t make himself clear. I asked him if that was why and he quickly said “yes” and hugged me. I gave him a big hug and then told him I am going to try harder to understand what he is trying to say. I asked him if he gets frustrated a lot when he knows what he wants to say but it can’t come out right? “Yes.”
I got Johnny’s Daddy and we sat with him and told him that he WILL talk very well one day soon. That it will take lots of practice but he is already doing well and we are so very proud of him. We told him how much we believe in him and that WE KNOW that Johnny understands everything being said around him and that he knows what he wants to say. Johnny gave us big bear hugs when we said that. We also told him that if the other boys and girls are asking questions or commenting about his lack of talking they do not understand and are trying to help you. We told him that his teachers and his Mommy and Daddy know he is a very smart boy and soon all his friends will know too.
We tucked him in and he seemed thoughtful but more at peace and ready for sleep. It was a very bittersweet moment for us. I am finding it hard to put into words how incredible it is for us after 4-1/2 years to hear Johnny communicate his feelings to us and at the same time its on a subject that breaks our hearts. This had me in tears afterwards but more determined then ever.
Johnny IS trying to talk a lot more. The tipping point seems to be when his grandfather passed away and a lot of feelings and ideas needed to start coming out. I’m going to be sharing more about this in the next few days including the incredible Communication Course that I’m taking that is helping him.