Please allow me this moment

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Yesterday.

Please allow me this moment.  I wish I wasn’t having it but they do come.    Its how you feel when you take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.  It’s the moment when you feel overwhelmed by the mushrooming appearance of behaviours that you thought you had already dealt with.  The exhilaration of seeing your child push forward and make achievements yet at the same time start doing things that can drive you crazy again.  It’s when you realize that you are not super human.  You are not a super mom no matter how hard you try and that you are allowed to have these kind of days.  Its when you allow yourself to wonder why “everything” has to be just so hard for him when he just wants to be like the other kids.  Its when you wonder how he can go from being such a sweet happy child to suddenly touching a child in not a gentle way.  Has he forgotten in that one moment how to get another child’s attention in a nice way?  Is he overwhelmed by all the information coming to him at that moment, with the other children, in a new classroom with a new teacher?  It’s the feeling I have when I feel like I’ve entered this big continuous loop with Johnny and at every turn something else happens.  It’s the third week of school and the second or third week of anything new we start seeing attention seeking behaviours.  When I hear “that” mischievous laugh I have to remind self to take a deep breath and try to look for the positive and ignore “that” stuff.  Johnny is our little rock star.  This is one of those days where I feel like I manage Johnny. Johnny is very smart and persistent so we have to be even more resilient.  On these kind of days I find its very hard to stay one step ahead of him.  Its on these days I remember all over again that we all have bad days and so does my little guy.  Its on these days that I know that everything I am seeing or hearing is Johnny having trouble coping with all the changes and challenges he is facing.  It’s on these days I realize that sometimes you have to take a couple of steps backwards to push forward.  I’ve learned that I have to face these feelings and wallow in them a little and then come to the surface again and know that we will do better the next time.  But for this one moment I have to let all these feelings swirl around me so that I can re-set myself so that I can I help him.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Lisa Burns says:

    Kudos to you for staying positive….it will benefit both of you when you approach everything from the positive….Good Luck and I will celebrate with you when you are “two steps forward” again!!!! ( :

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    1. Cyn says:

      Thank you my friend. I love your advice…” is a “general education” student first and a “special” education second…” I think frustrations are coming from this and as well as being in a new class, some new EA’s, some new kids etc. I’ll write you more later:) *hugs*

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