Its okay to let it go….

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I was preparing lunch and Johnny was standing beside me when I heard him sing this…

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

It was from the Disney movie Frozen. He had seen the movie twice by this point and heard the song two times.  We saw the movie when it came out in November 2013 and afterwards he was singing “Let it go..” over and over in the lobby of the movie theatre and his Grandma laughed and held his hands and sang with him and they had a beautiful moment singing together.

Then I heard this while I was in the kitchen with Johnny, him singing over and over again…

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry

I was so over the moon hearing him sing that it took me a little while before I realized how the words of the song resonated with him and that’s why he remembered it.  “You will never see me cry.”

We now have the Blu-ray and when Johnny watches it he gets emotional when Elsa runs away from Arendelle because the people are afraid of her powers.  She runs out into the mountains in the snow and its here, alone, she feels free to finally be herself and stop hiding who she really is.  She can stop trying to be normal and just embrace her beautiful abilities that set her apart from everyone else.  Its no wonder Johnny loves this yet gets very emotional about this part as she creates this beautiful ice castle with her hands.  Johnny loves to create, build and paint as well but I often wonder how much he feels apart from the other children when he goes through his day.  Everytime Johnny watches Frozen he wants Elsa to go back to Ariendale where her home truly is and is very upset that she has to live by herself at the ice castle.  “I want the ice castle gone Mommy.”

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The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the queen.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn’t keep it in, Heaven knows I tried.
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know.
Well, now they know!

Let it go, let it go.

Can’t hold it back anymore.

Let it go, let it go.
Turn away and slam the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say.
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway.

I wonder if the adults in his life truly appreciate how hard Johnny works to handle every hour of every minute of school and try so hard to do what all the other children do.   If the truth be told they really are just trying to show him how to be just like all the other children in class.  He has to hold all his feelings of anxiety inside and show everyone that he is truly listening to them.  How many times does he have to do “full body listening” and keep his feet on the floor and face the teacher.  I am not sure if they are still using a reward/token chart if he did all of the above things while sitting in class.  Let’s not forget to look people in the eye.  If he forgets people think he is not listening to them.  Do all the 6 year old children do this consistently?

Can’t hold it back anymore.

Last year while in senior kindergarten, one teacher told Johnny to sit on his hands during circle time because what he was doing with his hands was distracting the other children and they were wondering if he was going to touch the other children.  He was “stimming” by flapping his hands or squishing a fidget toy because sitting so close to his peers was very stimulating and “stimming” is a natural way of self regulation like tapping your toes.  Did anyone tell the other when they were being too loud that it was too distracting to Johnny? I remember Johnny doing a speech assessment at the hospital at the child development clinic and he was sitting on his hands and was not pointing at the pictures in her assessment book like she knew he could.  She kept trying to get him to free his hands but he told her he was not allowed that when he flaps or wants to touch things he should sit on them to make them stop.  In the movie Frozen, Elsa puts gloves on her hands to conceal her powers and to help her not feel anything for fear that she would touch something and freeze it or accidentally feel deeply and freeze someone.  The SLP at the hospital and I were shocked and saddened and warrior Mommy was activated yet again.  The classroom teacher then decided to have Johnny sit in a chair and not on the carpet during circle so they could keep him in circle but if he was sitting higher they could jump into action faster if he had “challenges” sitting in circle.  Set apart but still included?  Let him be close to the children but not too close because he might want to touch them?  What if his touch is too hard because he can’t feel his own strength?  Is that his fault?  What do the other children think?  Does Johnny feel more special now being up higher then all the other children because in a kindergarten room during circle time the only other person sitting in a chair is the teacher.  Hmmm…warrior Mommy was activated again.

Can’t hold it back anymore.

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When Princess Anna comes to the ice castle to talk to her sister Queen Elsa and try and talk her into coming back home Elsa starts to lose control of her emotions as well as her powers once she realizes that she has sent her home into an eternal winter and she doesn’t know how to reverse it.  Johnny again is transfixed and says “Elsa is in her red zone Mommy” which in “the zones of regulation lingo means that she is very elevated and is going into meltdown.  The storm raging inside of her that she can’t keep in now is like an Autistic meltdown.  One of the things that Johnny will tell me when he does have a meltdown is “I don’t want to be in my red zone.  Mommy help me.”  The way that he is generalizing and taking something from a story and relating it to his own life is huge in my opinion.  He is showing that he does have empathy as well which is smashing big crater size holes in Autistic stereotypes.

Now when Johnny watches Frozen and the “Let It Go” part begins, I whisper into his little ears…”son…just let it go…just let it go” and I kiss his cheek.


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It’s funny how some distance, makes everything seem small.

And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through.
No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free!

Let it go, let it go.
I am one with the wind and sky.
Let it go, let it go.
You’ll never see me cry.
Here I stand, and here I’ll stay.
Let the storm rage on.

My power flurries through the air into the ground.
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back; the past is in the past!

Let it go, let it go.
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn.
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand, in the light of day
Let the storm rage on!
The cold never bothered me anyway.

Read more: Idina Menzel – (Disney’s Frozen) Let It Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics

*all use of Disney Frozen movie lyrics or pictures is for personal use and all rights are reserved for Disney:)

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10 Comments Add yours

  1. Amber Perea says:

    Oh! I love this. It’s so perfect on so many levels. It should be freshly pressed! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cyn says:

      You just made me blush….;) thx

      Like

  2. Michelle N says:

    I just ran into your blog and while I have only read a few posts (so far), so much of what you have written resonates with me. I am just starting down this path with my three year old, who has always seemed ‘a little different’ than my older daughter or any other kids his age we have ever interacted with. I am waiting on all my appointments to have him evaluated and trying to learn as much as I can in the meantime. I have been looking for more information about the Hanen “More Than Words” book (like whether or not it proves to be helpful) and your post about it pushed me further to wanting to purchase it. What we are doing with him isn’t working and I feel the hourglass timer running out (even though that is kind of silly) while I wait for the professionals to determine the best course of action. Anyway…I wanted to let you know I like your blog and plan to be back (I also have 17month old twin girls!) as soon as I can.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cyn says:

      I am so glad that you found my blog then. I wanted to share our experiences because I like you at the beginning of the journey gained some insight by reading other mom’s blogs. It wasn’t something I could talk about with friends because they would say…”he will catch up….he is just slow….boys are often slow.” I realized they loved him too and loved me and were in denial too. Just know you are doing the right thing, follow your gut instincts and even thigh the clock feels like it’s ticking he is a little sponge taking everything in. He is just in another trajectory and the steps will take longer and he will show progress in different ways. As for MORE THEN WORDS….it is fantastic. The Hanen centre trains speech therapists internationally but also believes strongly in train in parents because who is with the child the most and has the strongest bond….the parents. So it’s like a bible that gives you all the info and techniques that you can put into your everyday life and even how to know where your other children are in terms of communication. My daughter is younger then my son and she literally became his speech partner at 18 months when he was 4. The lady who wrote and developed More Than Words, Fern Sussman, is very insightful. She audited the training parent course/ workshop I attended. In September my husband and I are going to take the next level…”Talkability” so that should let you know how much I believe in their approach:) I see you have followed my FB page so feel free to ask me questions or vent:) good luck and thank you again for reading my blog.

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  3. Michelle N says:

    Thank you! My MIL was a special education teacher prior to retiring a couple years ago and she is in so much denial I think. I have been asking her for over a year if she sees any red flags too, and she has always come up with alternate reasons for his toe walking, crazy fits, and poor language skills. It was not until she emailed me a picture of him lining all his cars up all across her living room that everything really clicked and I started looking for the softer red flags (of which there seemto be many). Nobody seems to understand though..they all say ‘oh he’s a boy and slower’ or that I am comparing him to my precocious 7yo, and that I am looking to have something to be dramatic about (that was from my mother). He has been in speech therapy since November and is picking up tons more words….but he doesn’t USE them how I’d expect. That was another red.flag for me…I have known he was speech delayed for a while. We had a brief run with cds a year ago that amounted to NOTHING. Autism was not on my radar and he passed the mchat…they had an early educator come out once a week to advise me to point to things and name them.: I ;went through his doctor and got him into actual speech therapy. He slips under the radar because he smiles and makes eye contact.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cyn says:

      One of my good friends whose son is few years older then mine had a hard time getting a diagnosis because professionals disagreed. Her family doctor decided that while the professionals duked it out lets break it down and treat each challenge like you would a symptom of a major illness. If he has gross motor and fine motor delays and sensory challenges…let’s take him to an OT. If he has speech delay let’s find an SLP. If he needs social skills lets get him into a social group for ASD kids of his age range and so on. What I have found is that when professionals who are suppose to identify a child with Autism seem to treat the children with a “cookie cutter approach.” Its a SPECTRUM disorder and like a colour spectrum you see on a colour chart there are many shades of red, blue or white. They need to remember this. My family doctor had a dear friend whose daughter had severe challenges with Autism so even though he was a doctor his personal image of Autism coloured what he thought of it when he saw patients. It wasn’t until my son was nearly 3 he realized that intervention was needed. In the end…early intervention is everything. One of the things I have learned from my little girl who had some low muscle tone as an infant that with some OT she was able to have a “leg up” so to speak and catch up. Children are incredibly resilient and their neuropathways are building and changing rapidly and so it is for children with delays. My son smiled and made eye contact as well which caused many folks to wonder too….the sad part was when he started to seem so very sad and stopped interacting with everyone at the time when all the other children were taking a big leap forward and he was left behind. He was 2-1/2 and I wish that I had intervention at that time but we were stuck on a wait list. Trust your gut…know you are not alone…enjoy your son…because you might be on a different path with him but I have to say I have learned a heck of a lot that helps me with my other child as well that I’m not sure I would have known if I hadn’t had my son.

      Like

  4. Michelle N says:

    I know regardless of what the experts do or don’t say, he is still the same boy he always has been. Reading your descriptions of your son when he was younger, it sounds like you are describing my son now. It may not be autism. It may be autism. Doesn’t matter to me either than I want to be able to learn what I can do to help him.

    One thing that I have learned is that I think the perception of what autism is is pretty limited. I am not expressing what I mean correctly, but I know that despite knowing the facts that it is a spectrum, I was still looking for the standard red flags. It was not until I went to the video glossary associated with the autism speaks page that I saw a bunch of kids (ASD) that to me seemed totally typical to me until I read the description of their behavior and why it was ASD. It is very nuanced and subtle. That is what I have been saying about S.; I could never out my finger on it because it was so subtle. That in and of itself is a HUGE thing for me to have learned.
    I don’t want to commandeer your comment page talking about me me me me! I didn’t see where to comment on Fb and truthfully after the ridiculous comments I have gotten from a couple people(one a second grade teacher who ought to know better!) I would rather not talk about it to most people. Thank you so much for replying to me!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Michelle N says:

    I was just reading my comment above talking about how it is subtle….I meant CAN BE subtle. “Can be” vs “is” makes the meaning of everything I was trying to say more clear. :).

    Like

  6. Cyn says:

    No problem:) perception is huge and I confess it still is to this day for my son depending on where he is, what he is doing and who he is with. If he is confident and comfortable and not in sensory overload he will take risks and show folks what he can really do and who he really is. I come to pick him up at school and the minute he sees me he starts telling me everything he wants to do on the way home, which streets to walk down and what he wants to do after speech therapy. I look over and teachers are in shock. Sigh. I have found that once my child was able to do certain things with us at home it was hard to convince professionals that he was capable and doing things because they would stress “he’s not generalizing the skill”.

    On Facebook there should be a direct message button beside the “liked” “following” button. I have double checked and I am suppose to be able to receive messages that way and the replies are on for my posts on the page as well. You can also try using this from: https://sunflowercyn.wordpress.com/contact-me/ and we can trade emails to talk more privately:) good luck and again I’m glad you found my blog.

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