Ballet Class to be or not to be

We need to change everything up and to also somehow get this ballet adventure back on its wheels so that we can navigate what’s happening with Johnny as well. THIS matters to him so we need to somehow make sure that it matters to all of us as a family. What’s hard sometimes is that…

I Am An Actress

I am an actress.  I never set out to being one.   I somehow fell into it.  It was a way to protect myself,  my family, and most especially my son.   My Autistic son who for half of his life was nonverbal.  How is Johnny doing? I think that when you are a parent of…

Mother

  When I look over and see Johnny with a big smile on his face and laughing about something I think of “her.”   When Princess stops and looks at flowers at the neighbourhood corner store I think of “her” showing me how to plant flowers in the flower beds with “her.”   When Johnny…

5 Years Later Autism Spectrum Disorder

Today is World Autism Awareness Day and April is Autism Awareness  Acceptance Month.  It’s been 5 years since Johnny received his diagnosis that he had Autism Spectrum Disorder.  What a learning curve we have all been on.  What is Autism?  I like to think of it as a different way of thinking, being and processing because…

Thinking About the Sibling of an Autistic Child

The other day I was reading a blog post about a Mom’s very legitimate concerns about what Autism brings to the sibling of an Autistic  child.  I truly understood where she was coming from because it’s one thing as parents that we have the  responsibility for our children but what about siblings to each other?…

It Wasn’t What I Thought I Was Going To Be

  The day after my birthday and I have been left with a lot to think about.  I had lots of wonderful birthday wishes from friends and family from far and wide and local.  My husband decorated, got me much appreciated thoughtful gifts, lovely special cupcakes from the bakery, as a family we all went…

What Do You Feel Like? 

After the big Christmas school concert, we were collecting the kids and saying our good byes.  Johnny’s teachers and EA’s were there and getting him organized to go.  Johnny wanted to know what we were doing now and I said we needed to get some dinner for Daddy because he came straight from work to…

The Winter Woods

  Above is a painting done by my son Johnny that he calls, “The Winter Woods.”  He has painted the stark, barren trees reflecting in the water of the frozen pond.  It is a reminder of the days we leave behind as Spring arrives.  He painted this the day we learned of the tragic loss of…

Its All About The Cat

“I don’t want the cat sleeping on Mommy’s bed.  I don’t want the cat watching me get on the school bus.  I don’t want the cat going outside.  I don’t want the cat sleeping on my sister’s bed.   I don’t want the cat to go outside and go hunting.  I don’t want the cat…

Halloween Past Present and Future

  I want to BE a firetruck Mommy.” Johnny has always loved firetrucks since he was around two years old.  If we were at a playgroup he would zero in on the only firetruck in the whole room.  If we were visiting a farm with a big giant sandbox filled with diggers and dump trucks,…

Happy Birthday My Little Guy

  Johnny turned seven years old last weekend. This year he told me that he wanted a birthday party, cake, decorations and games like I did for his little sister’s birthday. When his sister asked him who he wanted to invite he said “you Princess are invited, Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa.” Princess…

A Cornucopia of Locks

Our first wander on our first evening in Paris was to head down towards the Seine river  for a walk and cross a bridge over the Louvre so that Johnny could see the fountains.  We stumbled across the “The Lover’s Bridge” or Ponts Des Arts that has been taken over by the “lovers lock” phenomenon that has…

Pinning Down Autism

  I think sometimes it’s hard pinning down what Autism looks like.   I remember when Johnny was two and he had lost the few words he could say and we were beginning to panic inside,  our family doctor kept saying we will have to get him evaluated for speech delay in a few months but don’t panic….

Thinking of “her”

  When I look over and see Johnny with a big smile on his face and laughing about something I think of “her.” When Princess stops and looks at flowers at the neighbourhood corner store I think of “her” showing me how to plant flowers in the flower beds with “her.” When Princess is so…

Pity is….A Four Letter Word

Do you know that awkward feeling you get when someone is making an assumption about you or your life?  Imagine how I feel when it relates to my son.  As a rule I do not let folks know that Johnny is Autistic when he meets new people.  I am not embarrassed or ashamed but rather…

Always Wants To Buy Me Flowers

Every other day he wants to buy me flowers. How can I say no? It happened last year as well he would do that. Last year he did it when he thought I was sad and needed cheering up. Then last spring and summer he would buy me flowers  just to say I love you….

Good Friday Conundrum

This is what I had to send a relative….. “Good Friday is a sad day Mommy….Jesus died on the cross that day.” So you can see I am caught between a rock and a hard place because as Grandparents you want to see them as part of Easter before you leave. But….even though the teachers…

She Deserves A Sticker Too Mommy

We are in the midst of fine tuning potty training with my daughter “Princess” who is 3 and we have created rewards chart that we placed on our fridge for her.  She has a specific number of boxes that she can place a sticker in when she meets an expectation and then she gets to…

Thank You

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for taking a little time out of your day and reading my blog. Some of you I know really well and you have known “Johnny” since he was a baby. Some of you are professionals that used to work with Johnny and now stop…

The Berry Juice

Johnny was requesting orange juice this morning when he opened the fridge to get it for us.  He saw the berry juice and decided he wanted it and was going to lift the heavy container out of the fridge and suddenly stopped and put it back in. “I spilled berry juice all over the kitchen…

The Reflector

“Mommy I want the orange reflector.  Mommy will find it.” I stopped and had that moment of panic inside where I have heard what he said but I have no idea what he is referring to.  I do not want to frustrate Johnny so hence the panic because I can tell this is important to…

It Began In That Moment That You Became A Daddy

To my very special big guy who helps me feel like I can do anything and help me feel like its going to be okay on the not so good days. I remember the first time that you placed Johnny on your chest as you laid back to rest in the hospital and he found…

You Are Missed Daddy

*tissue warning* This is my second Father’s Day without my dear Dad.   He lived with us right up until he passed away and not a day goes by that  when I go upstairs I immediately see his old room and expect to see him there.  I try and focus on the happy memories of…

I Want To Make A Baba Marta

*This post is dedicated to “Johnny’s” Bulgarian relatives*   “I want to make a Baba Marta at school with Mrs.******” Johnny’s Daddy’s Grandfather was from Bulgaria and over the last 5 years we have connected with his family and learned all about Bulgarian traditions.  From March 1st to the end of March there is the…

Unexpected Discoveries At The Christmas Market

Better Late Then Never….from December When speech opens up his world. Our new family tradition is to go to the  European style Christmas Market in the historic neighbourhood downtown.   It’s a beautiful experience with the smell of roasting German sausages, veal schnitzel, pretzels, hot apple cider, maple taffy, poutine, and chilli.  Bonfires are strategically…

It’s Still Christmas?

Two weekends ago we went downtown to celebrate my birthday and we discovered Christmas hiding around a corner.

We Are Going To Talk About Feelings….

Yesterday afternoon…. “We are now going to talk about our feellngs Johnny.  Remember last week we talked about how our engine can run fast, or slow or be just right?” Johnny is in his third session of a 8 week block of a combined OT / SLP therapy at the hospital’s child development centre.  They…

It’s My Life

It’s my life It’s now or never I ain’t gonna live forever I just want to live while I’m alive (It’s my life) Birthdays are times for reflection and hopefully looking forward but this year it seemed it was more of a time of bittersweet reflection. Last year at this time my Dad was receiving…

The Big Zebra

Monday would have been my Mom’s birthday and this is one of my favourite pictures of her. She won this big zebra at her bank branch raffle. She was laughing when they took the picture because of all the prizes she “could” have won she won the least likely thing that she needed. She always…